One theme here: "No guy actually wants to get married...and if they do, all they're really thinking about are all the women they're gonna miss out on." Obviously not true...but what the heck is MARRIAGE about? This movie warms up...and then I like it more.
I'm gonna be 28 in a few months. It's like a countdown to death. Personally I can't wait to grow old. But it's starting to feel like an honest extended death. Well just cause I'm not feeling well.
I've had a respectably bad day. My hormones are all over the place in a way they haven't been for a really long time. My last Dr.'s visit revealed no new news...I have elevated liver fx probably from fatty tissue around my liver just like the last time. My white blood cell count still seemed to suggest that I had the same or yet another kidney infection even though my urine sample didn't. I was put on antibiotics which wiped me out and made me feel so nauseous that I stayed home for four or five days because I couldn't even be awake without feeling like I was going to fall over.
Well, today I went in to see the doc again because I can't stop gagging which makes me feel exhausted and sounds DISGUSTING!!! I also had a headache and wanted to check in with her. Turns out my headache and dizziness came because I was congested or had allergies...so she gave me some allergy nosespray, which may clear up some of the liquid around my inner ear which could be what's making me nauseous. She also said that the antibiotics basically took down my good and bad bacteria and that my guts are repairing everything. So she suggested...probiotics: Activia for two weeks. I'm also taking an acid reflux medication to see if that helps. Lastly, because I haven't been able to sleep until 1 or 2am every day, she wrote me a nice little Rx for Ambien.
I'm so tired I don't even want to clean my apt and I have to. The brown rice in the pot has molded. The laundry is starting to smell. My carpet is growing grass. My desk is overflowing with paper. I have no motivation whatsoever. In two days I'll start my mini-vacation and be heading down to L.A. on Friday. I found a new apartment to live in, and since my apartment is now on the market again, my landlord is showing it. I'm hoping tomorrow's prospect is a buyer.
My first year in college I drew up a boyfriend application. It was brief and to the point. It gave me all the information I needed to know to decipher whether or not a person was even minimally worth spending time with and, if responded to truthfully, would break through years and years of painful possibilities. The boyfriend application evaluated values, priorities, hobbies, and lifestyle. It evaluated the guy's relationships and commitment. Lord in heaven if only it were THAT easy!
I think I tossed it out when I filled out the questions for myself and found out that I was un-date-able. But wouldn't it be nice to have all of the paper work laid out?
I think every person has the inalienable right to have a relationship filled with trust and loyalty--the stuff of mothers and children. I think that every person should strive to become a trustworthy and loyal person in their relationships. I have done painful things and made extremely difficult decisions in order to stay true to myself.
A quote: "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."
"When all the world is a hopeless jumble And the raindrops tumble all around... When all the clouds darken up the skyway There's a rainbow highway to be found Leading from your window pane To a place behind the sun Just a step beyond the rain....
Somewhere Over The Rainbow..."
Few know the beginning to this familiar tune...I guess it was too dark to add into the already colorful Wizard of Oz. It's actually my favorite part. Yet another beautiful American Standard in the midst of the downs in your rollercoaster ride....Smile:
Smile though your heart is aching Smile even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear maybe ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying Smile what's the use of crying You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just...smile....
I'm 27 years old with massive insecurities. Incapacitating insecurities. *sigh*
Let me just say, I'm not a stalker--I just...gather information. The internet is like a very large encyclopedia brittanica...for people. It's definitely not my fault that they post information about themselves and allow others to see it. Social voyeurism. Piqued interest. Meaningless harmless information.
*sigh* It is we who give it meaning. You could write the same note in black ink or red ink...but the red ink feels like fire. A meaningless "hello" written in times new roman or some kind of cursive takes on different meanings.
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